Mid-2006: 3 weeks after my first child was born, I had to bring an important client to our Paris HQ.
3 days into the trip, my mother-in-law passed away.
Between the joy of a new-born and the sorrow of her mom’s departure – simultaneously “managing the bookends of life” as an ex-colleague calls it – my superwoman wife told me to see through my trip. Nothing I could do back home. So I completed my trip and got home only just in time for the funeral.
In the blink of an eye, 18 years have passed.
My son is now a man. He received this week an invitation to a Singaporean rite of passage – his National Service enlistment letter.
I found myself in Paris again this past week.
👉 I helped a client kick-off a global change management project, involving teams from multiple locations/cultures.
👉 I had a great meeting with a potential new client/business partner. I finally understood their unstated goal. I guess I had to really listen to them in person.
👉 My favourite part: I caught up with ex-colleagues. One catch-up in particular was superb. I connected with an ex-boss in a way I could never have done years ago. Two ex-colleagues – a Frenchman and a Singaporean – free from the pressures of managing complicated quarterly business targets, talking fondly about the past, yet full of zest for what is to come next.
As I write this on the plane home, I find myself reflecting on the nature of change.
👉 Some changes just happen. A baby becomes a man. A respected boss becomes a friend.
👉 Some changes – especially at work – are imposed on us. Organizational structures are constantly being tweaked for greater synergies, while budgets are slashed.
One principle of change management hasn’t changed though:
“People fear loss far more than change itself.”
Often, our current behaviour reflects and fulfils an emotional need, e.g. for certainty, status, control, power, connection etc.
To ask a team member at work to change a behaviour, we must ensure that their fear of loss of whatever it is that their current behaviour serves, is first addressed.
And to allow that fear to surface, it is often about honest conversations, understanding what each party hopes to retain and protect from the past, and jointly constructing a path forward.
The more things change, the more we must go back to core skills of asking and listening.
May we all have great conversations to understand each other’s fears.