“If my son is weak in math but strong in football, should I arrange one-on-one training for math or football?”, a friend asked.
Do we focus on strengths or weaknesses?
Coincidentally, I’d just read a renowned sports coach’s thoughts on the same topic.
In team sports, it’s clear: focus on strengths. Don’t ask Messi to defend; let him score goals. At work, partner a salesperson good at client needs with someone strong in operations.
In individual sports, coaches often enhance strengths while mitigating weaknesses. A strong tennis forehand is developed into a killer stroke, while the weaker backhand is improved to be adequate.
What about our careers? The CliftonStrengths approach suggests leveraging our strengths. If we excel at relationship-building, pursue client-facing roles; if organizing is our thing, project management might suit us.
So conventional wisdom leans towards focusing on strengths.
What about weaknesses?
My take: certain life skills are essential. Lacking them is a lifelong disadvantage; having them helps immeasurably.
- Curiosity
- Listening
- Adaptability
- Self-awareness
- Communicating
How did I respond to my friend? I said, “Tell me more.”
He explained, I listened. I asked clarifying questions. I offered no solutions.
He processed the situation as he spoke. Ten minutes in, I asked “What’s most important to your son about playing football?”
He replied, “He’s good at it, he likes his team mates. I think they see him as a leader on and off the field. It gives him a sense of purpose.”
I then asked “What’s most important to you about your son’s math grades?”
My friend concluded, “That’s a great point. My son just has to get confident about math. He doesn’t need an ‘A’. I just want him to enjoy math.”
Thing is, I never made any point. My friend clarified his own thoughts himself.
So to my list of essential skills, I’ll add: holding space and asking the right questions.
What’s your version of essential skills we all should have?