My parents left China pre-WW2, met and married in Singapore. Over 17 years, my mother gave birth to 9 children.
My parents’ belief was that more children = more caregivers in their old age. This was a common belief – and behaviour – until the Sg government reframed it by proclaiming, “the more (children) you (parents) have, the less they get.”
With a family of 11 in a one-bathroom shophouse, the morning peak hour was hectic. There was a bathroom schedule every morning; anyone late impacted everyone else. I grew up with the belief that I must wake up on time and be quick in the bathroom to respect others’ time. This served me well in National Service; I was never late. However, this belief causes tension in the morning school run now, triggering me if my children are slow.
What are beliefs? They are only assumptions we hold as true. So they may not be true.
Yet our beliefs can strongly influence our behaviours.
What is/was your biggest disempowering belief?
Mine was a belief that until I’ve had significant experience in a given topic, I wasn’t qualified to speak on it. When my first manager asked (tested, I suspect) me for my views on how to position a project delay to a client, I offered no opinion even though I knew what to do. I knew the client would be ok as long as we offered a get-well plan that didn’t impact their big milestones further down the road. I didn’t voice this as I believed it wasn’t my place as a rookie coder fresh out of school to give ideas on project management.
Fortunately, a senior colleague highlighted this behaviour, and helped me identify and subsequently reframe my disempowering belief.
Next time we are stuck in a behavioural rut, let’s ask ourselves “What beliefs are causing this behaviour? What beliefs do I need to reframe?”
We may well find some kernel of untruths in ourselves.